Tough Week Indeed

This week has be tougher than I've had in awhile.

I can never sleep. No matter the insane hour of night, I'm not even tired. I lay there feeling so hopeless. It's such a lonely feeling when you seem to be the only soul awake for miles and miles. I've been falling asleep around four am pretty consistently. That's if I go to sleep at all. I must say, more all-nighters have happened as of late then ever happened in college. Where is Mr. Sandman? I need to have a word with him...

Why is it that 'nobody' seems to agree on anything? I've been trying to seek guidance from those who should know. Multiple doctors, my wonderful therapist. Why can't they agree on much of anything? I tend to feel most trusting of my therapist. Her job is simply to listen and give guidance based on what I tell her. She is wonderful at her job. I always feel she listens so well and I trust the advice and guidance she gives me. She is not a psychiatrist, so she can not diagnose or prescribe on the medical side but she has been doing her thing for a long time. She has an understanding of a lot of the medical side and will give advice on what to further inquire with the docs. The problem is lately the docs haven't given much care into listening. They won't hear me out or listen to what I've worked so hard on in therapy. The docs don't agree with each other, either. It's so derailing. I am trying so hard to figure this out yet roadblocks are found all around.

I am not saying medication is key for everyone, but for me it is a huge part of becoming closer to my goals. Medication alone will not cure this. Therapy alone cannot make my struggles go away. I feel that by tackling this from all angles, through therapy, medication, spiritual guidance, I will have the best chance of finding relief. I have been going through a change in medications. Per my new doc, I have gone off Cymbalta cold turkey. Wellbutrin is now being introduced and I am struggling with this change. A very common side effect of Wellbutrin is nausea and vomiting. The doctor warned me as to what is expected but aside from the less than desirable side effects, Wellbutrin has an extremely high rate of success in many individuals. Granted we are all so different so there is no telling if something that has worked in others will work for you. Gotta try to see, right? The doctor warned against loosing too much weight, too quickly, from taking Wellbutrin. I joked that it sounded like the perfect side effect to me! Loosing weight is always a goal. 7 lbs down so far in less than a week and I have been feeling miserable. This's too shall pass.

I have so many blessings, but we have all had times where it is so hard to focus on the positive.

I am excited for Easter tomorrow. I am excited to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ and I am grateful for the blessings and opportunities his sacrifice has made possible for me. It is a comfort to know that the one person who has felt all of our pains and sorrows is Jesus Christ. He loves us and through him we will find comfort and peace.