What YOU Can Do to Help a Friend With Depression

Helping a Friend Through Their Depression

 

This is an article I found that had a lot of great tips for how to help a friend who is depressed. This is quite a lengthy article so i have deleted some of the fluff and I added emphasis on what I found to be the most important tips. I hope this helps!

Loves, Elizabeth

 

Acknowledge. Tell the person suffering from depression that you've noticed that they seem down or depressed lately. Tell them that since you now know that they're sad you want to help. This will be very re-assuring to them. Sometimes the depressed don't even feel like telling anyone because of the stigma associated with depression. Also, make them feel like they are needed. Talk to them when you are upset about something or when you want to vent. Trust them with things that you wouldn't tell just anyone else. This makes them feel very important to you. Depression lies to them and makes them feel like they aren't needed by anyone. This acknowledgment that you know how bad they feel may be the little "push" they need to start talking about it, and maybe even seek help.

 

What not to do: Pretend like it is not there or that this is not a serious condition. This is debilitating for a person. They can't help it. This will make them feel like they are insignificant and that you don't even take their problem seriously.

 

What not to do: If they tell you why they are depressed, or why they think they are. (sometimes people don't even know what causes their symptoms.) Be sure to take those reasons seriously. Don't joke around with them. Do not bring them up in a light hearted conversation, because this can cause a wave of emotions associated with that topic, altering their mood for the worst. Do not bring up what they have told you in trust, in front of other people. This is very very damaging to the friendship and to the person.

 

Listen. Although you may think that the last thing your friend wants to do is talk to you about depression, you could be wrong. Sometimes a friend just needs someone to talk to. Actively listen to them without judging or giving advice. Depression is an issue that people sometimes feel they must hide, in order to maintain their usual life. Because people see it as a weakness or a cry for attention they feel like not telling anyone. This is wrong though, the depressed person would like nothing better than to feel happy again and be themselves. Either that or they are only just coming to terms with it, let alone the idea of letting other people in on it. However, from time to time, your friend may open up, or express the desire to talk to you. Sometimes they just want to vent. Don't start spitting out possible solutions until you know the full extent of the problem. A good listener can sometimes be vastly more helpful than someone who tries to offer solutions. When this happens, be understanding and kind and willing to listen. This means a lot to them. This also should mean a lot to you because they are trusting you with something so personal thats affecting them. Don't interrupt, don't try to convince them they're wrong, don't give advice and try not to react in horror. It can be difficult to hear about how terrible your friend feels, but remember that they're trusting you. Value this trust, don't break it and keep it close. Just be there to listen. That's the number 1 thing they need right now.

 

A depressed mind is the most sensitive mind. Remember that.

 

Try to understand. Every person's story is different, and so it is impossible to completely understand. Depression is a very complex and complicated disease. So it is ok for you not to understand where they are coming from. However, keeping an open mind and putting yourself in your friend's shoes can help you come closer to them.

 

What not to do. Don't tell your friend that life is still worth living and that this situation will improve and the sadness will get better. This trivializes their pain and will not help. Do not try to make them feel better by reminding them how much better their lives are than other people's. They know that and it makes them feel guilty about their condition because they feel like they should just be able to be grateful for life because they have it better than a lot of people yet they can't seem to do it. Don't ask them to "cheer up" or "snap out of it". People with depression aren't capable of just doing it so simply, so be sensitive to that. It'll only make them feel more guilty about their condition.

 

Be There. Most importantly is to just be there for your friend. Be very genuine and don't lie to them. Don't tell them things and not truly mean it. Sometimes they can tell and this will hurt them greatly. This a time when they are their lowest point in life. Things you can do to make them know that you are there is to obviously tell them that. You could say something like "I am here for you and whenever you feel like talking I'll always be willing to listen and to try & understand." Sometimes, the thing they need most is just a simple hug and a "I am here for you. Everything is going to be ok." Also let them know that you value their friendship and that you care about their life. The depression can cause them to feel worthless and not needed. They need to be re-assured that they matter to you and that you want to help them through this. Let them know that they aren't weak or worthless because they may feel like this because of society and it's view on this serious illness. If you honestly mean it and can do so with an open heart, offer to be there 24/7. Tell them that you welcome their phone calls at all hours. You will rarely, if ever, receive a middle of the night call. But a sincere offer sends a message of support that will be heard. If you see them in public places, make sure to say hi and notice them. Don't pretend like everything is ok though, always remember that. Ask them how they feel today and be sure to pay attention to them from time to time because they feel alienated from people when out in the world.

 

Be patient. Because depression is heavy, slow moving and unpredictable, it can frustrate and even anger those who are trying to help. Remember that depression is a complex disorder, and try to understand that the depressed person is not herself or himself right now. If your friend doesn't seem to appreciate your efforts, or is pushing you away, don't walk off in a temper. Give them space or give them comfort if they need it, and be there for them, no matter how much they believe you don't need to be.

 

Don't push too hard. If it makes your friend feel worse to face up to their problems, do not force them to continue. Sometimes analyzing a person's past can make them feel worse about themselves and dredge up past traumas. In this case, focus on how they feel now and how they want to be in future, and forget whatever caused them to feel depressed. Leave it in the past until they are ready to either deal with it or let it go. Be gentle. Depression can be dark, confusing and angry, but it can also be tender, hurtful and full of sensitive tears. Don't yell or be rough-keep your voice and body language soft and don't force your friend into anything.

 

Stay in contact. Check in. Call them just to call them. Check up on them occasionally, esp. at night when the depression is at its worst. Text them occasionally just to say you are thinking about them and ask how they feel today. This means the world to them and makes them feel like they matter and re-assures them that you care and causes them to feel more at ease. Support them and ask what you can do to help, of course. When they have severe depression, often times they will confess to you that they sometimes want to just die. But they actually don't. Most of these happen while driving. So asking them a quick "Are you home and ok?" Will make them feel very cared for. You won't believe how it will uplift their mood. It makes them feel significant.

 

Take care of yourself. You have to be mindful of yourself and your mind too, in helping this friend. It can take a toll especially if they are very needy. If you need to take breaks then tell them that. Remember though, do not ignore them. Go have fun with other friends, and enjoy your life too. But you have to remember that depression is not them. Your friend will eventually come out of this, and become the person you've grown to love and have fun with. Just give them time and have patience.

 

It is ok to have fun! Not everything has to be so serious all the time, even with depression. Especially if they are already on medication. Sometimes they feel completely up to just doing anything and having mindless fun. Just be aware that their mood can alter for no reason, and do not get mad at them for it. They can't help it. Just be there for them if that happens.

 

Advise them to seek professional help. They may deny that they need it, or tell you that "it's okay" or they'll be "fine". If they react this way, stop pestering them about it for a while. Over time, the idea might grow on them. Depression is not something that goes away by itself after a while. This is probably the most difficult step. Be sensible. If you friend is sounding like they are harming themselves or are thinking of suicide, you need to alert somebody. Listen out for suicidal like comments when they are talking to you. Such as " I wish I were dead." or "I don't want to live anymore. I feel useless." These should be taken seriously.

 

Depression is complicated. This is a lot to take in. But if you use this as a tool to help your best friend in need, you will be surprised at how much little steps and things you can do for them will greatly affect their illness. When they make it out of their depression, they will be so grateful that you played a part in help guiding them out of it.

 

Read the full original article at http://www.wikihow.com/Help-a-Friend-with-Depression.

 

Emphasis added by moi!